Sex sex sex, itís always there isnít it?

Sex sex sex, itís always there isnít it? And not just at the back of our minds, it can be right at the front there, throbbing away. Enough to put you off your food, make you dizzy, lose your judgement; a bit like a migraine really, only instead of lying in a darkened room with a cold flannel on your forehead, you want to be on that bed ddddoing it!

So, why isnít it easy, because it isnít always is it? Letís be honest about this. Some popular magazines tell you girlies and guys you should be hot all the time. That women should have orgasms four times a day and that men should have a sticky-up one, hard enough to balance a bag of sugar on at the mere whiff of a pheromone. Well, it just isnít like that, for most of the time at least.

The harsh reality is:

  • Girls, you always meet up with someone when you havenít shaved for weeks, your knickers have gone that nice grey colour and just donít match the black bra held together with a safety pin.
  • Most women find chasing the orgasm difficult, if not nigh impossible in many situations.
  • Multiple orgasms are possible for women (not men, ha ha!) but are actually more common in older women who have had longer to learn about their sexual needs and preferences (ie what turns them on).
  • Sometimes a cuddle and a kip is just so much nicer.
  • Guys sometimes find that sticky-up one just wonít do as itís told and canít hold up a feather when faced with the partner of their dreams AND even if it will stick up, sometimes it just wonít last long enough, leaving the partner and you wondering what, if anything, happened.
  • Girls (and some guys) like a bit of romance. ĎFancy a curry loveí goes down like a lead balloon, try pasta at the very least!
What can you do? Keep a sense of humour for a start. Get it in perspective, remember thereís a bit of embroidering of the truth going on out there. People arenít always honest about their sexual experiences. Not many men or women own up to finding it all rather difficult. Good sex has to be learnt and it takes a long time, but unlike most lectures and seminars you can have some good fun on the way.

Important: remember to make sex safe, look after your precious bits. Use a condom and think about contraception. Alcohol and drugs impair your judgement Ė he/she may look lovely while you are under the influence, but you could wake up in the morning to find your worst nightmare lying next to you. Then you realise that you didnít use a condom and that (if you are a woman), you need emergency contraception.

Sexually transmitted infections are common; use your local genitourinary clinics. For a list of national clinics go to This site also provides plenty of other advice related to sexual issues for young people.

An excellent website for women (and mail order service) . Go to the sex tips section for lots of useful advice on how to find out about your own sexual buzz.

Relate offers counselling for anyone troubled by sexual difficulties, and this site focuses on sexual dysfunction in both men and women.

Other useful sites Gay and Lesbian Switchboard Provides telephone counselling and referral service for lesbians and gay men. Tel: 020 7837 7324 (24-hour helpline)

Further information

AIDS Charity

Net Doctor

Mens Health

This article published on
26 January 2006

Next review date 1/1/2013


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